How often have you had to start over - or maybe more appropriately, how often has it FELT like starting over.
Right now I feel somewhere between a person who's been in a coma for 10 years who used to love running and races and triathlons and cycling - all the way to someone who's never run a step in their life. It's that serious.
There are 'things' going on that only a few people know about - but I keep trying - TRYING - to keep moving forward. I try to find a positive attitude. I try to be my own motivator. I honestly don't feel like I'm succeeding even half the time.
My dreams and goals haven't changed - but I can't seem to get the pieces to fall together to move to the next game square. I've been sent back without passing GO and without collecting $200 it's not even funny.
Tomorrow morning my plan is to head out into the winter weather and spectate - SPECTATE - a half marathon that friends are running in. This is a race that I wanted to do soooooo badly when it was first announced. KC Running Company is doing this race - it's one of their signature races - it's an inaugural year - and I couldn't afford the registration. Like a DAGGER in my heart. But as with many times before, I'll put on a happy face and try to be there for my friends.
It's really hard not to make that mental list of the things you haven't been able to do because of money, or injury, or time, or whatever - that list hurts. I don't know how to fix that hurt.
So - this morning I found something that made me smile - it was beautiful - captivating - like really captivating to me - I was driving but I spent a LOT of time looking at it - and I was thankful for it. I need more moments like that.
It was this ....
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| Kansas City Sunrise |
